SQUAD TIMELINE
Every terrible decision. Every legendary moment. Chronologically documented for posterity.
Squad formed. Doodlleus drops the first-ever "Sploink?" in the group chat. Nobody knows what it means. Everyone shows up anyway.
Someone buys an Odin ironically. The enemy team complains. A tradition is born.
TJC notices Pretty Mouth Man's damage output is suspiciously low. Investigation reveals active Factorio session on second monitor.
TJC discovers Sage's rez ability. Begins using it in the open with no cover. Survival rate: 12%. Will never stop.
TJC creates a dedicated operating system partition exclusively for Valorant. The squad is divided on whether this is genius or unhinged.
TJC sends CRASHOUT in the group chat so many times it becomes a greeting, farewell, and existential statement.
The squad realizes Chill Good Night has never gotten an ace. The vigil begins. It has not ended.
Chill Good Night's positioning is formally classified. Near the site. Not ON the site. Close enough to hear. Too far to help.
Doodlleus tries Chamber. It goes poorly. The squad agrees to never speak of it again.
Scientific breakthrough: Doodlleus's performance degrades exactly at 11pm. The Gaming Chair Theory is published. Peer reviewed by the squad.
4 knife kills in a single round on Lotus during Team Gun Game. The greatest moment in squad history. Peak achieved.
Pretty Mouth Man announces retirement from gaming. Plays 4 games that same night.
The squad stages an intervention about TJC's Wasteland Vandal skin. TJC refuses to change. The intervention fails.
Someone suggests Chill Good Night play Sage. The squad concludes: "Healing goes against everything she believes in."
5 years in. Still Gold. Still no lineups. Still buying Odins. Still losing. Still vibing. tHeRe's nO WaY We lOsE ThIs.