NEILATRON

THE PLAYER

The eternal 'Aye' man. Ask Neilatron if he's playing tonight and you'll get one of three responses: 'Aye', 'I could be persuaded', or 'Im up for losing some rr.' That last one is both a prediction and a promise. Always available, rarely enthusiastic, perpetually 'very sleepy' or 'knackered.' When Meta AI was asked what the odds were of Neilatron dying in enemy spawn, it said 'Pretty high, if history's anything to go by!' — and Meta AI has never been more correct about anything. Between matches he plays Slay the Spire. During matches he's sometimes also playing Slay the Spire. Moved house during the gaming era and emerged from the chaos with a very yellow office and the exact same rank.

PLAYSTYLE

Three agents deep and every single one of them ends up in enemy spawn somehow. Gekko utility goes in, Neilatron follows, Neilatron dies. Clove smokes go down, Neilatron pushes through, Neilatron dies. Raze satchels forward, Neilatron lands in the enemy team, Neilatron dies. The man said 'I don't want to win for me. I want to win for us' — and he said it sarcastically, which somehow makes it the most honest thing anyone on this team has ever said. Always sleepy, always there, always dying in places he shouldn't be.

HIGHLIGHT REEL

• Meta AI roasted his spawn-death rate unprompted — 'Pretty high, if history's anything to go by!'
• Said 'Aye' to playing, then fell asleep before the lobby loaded
• Survived an entire half without dying in enemy spawn — the squad considered retiring his jersey
• The very yellow office reveal — the squad was not prepared